I love being a military wife. I love what the military has given to me and my family. I love pretty much everything about it. With that said, there are some things that are harder than others. In the past nine years we have moved from Texas to Mississippi to Japan to California to Texas again. In a few months we will be moving AGAIN to somewhere we do not know yet. Each move comes with its own set of
tribulations experiences. We spent our first seven years of marriage (we will hit 10 this year) without children. We enjoyed each other and everything that came along with being the couple that didn't have kids! Almost 3 years ago the Lord blessed us with the best gift ever- our baby boy.
This little bundle was born in Japan and lived a great life there for his first 15 months. During those first 15 months, we spent 7 of them with his Daddy deployed to another country. My boy has always been attached to Mommy... but when we made that move from Japan to California it really got worse. We spent a month at home with family in Texas and all of the changes, I guess, were just hard on him. He had left everyone he knew and was being introduced to these other people he did not know
or care to know. Poor little dude had a tough time, but at that point, I had a harder time. I was so thankful that our church in California really just took the burden for me and sent me to church while he cried... but of course he was fine when I went to pick him up. He adjusted, of course, and was so excited to go to church or to his friends house. He has continued to be attached to me, but becoming more independent at the same time.
Our adventures in moving this time began over a month ago. He slowly began losing his toys and familiar surroundings as we began to prepare our home for renters. The movers came and our house was empty. We took a road trip with many, many hotels and lived with family for a while too. All of this was over 3 weeks.But my boy grew increasingly more attached to me. I love it but it is hard at the same time. It has worried me because we have this new baby coming... but then I have to remind myself that he is probably so attached because of all of these transitions he has been experiencing- right? Who is with me?
So we finally make it to our destination in Texas and things have been good. However on Sunday I tried to put him in the nursery- not happening. Today I tried to leave him in the playroom with kids and a sitter so I could attend a Bible Study- not happening. I left today, in tears. I want so bad to socialize and meet people here... but when he won't let go of me, it is hard. But then I look at his sweet crying face and I realize it isn't fair to do that to him. The difference between today and a year ago when going through this is that today I hurt because I KNOW HE NEEDS IT. He needs his space from mommy and he needs to play with friends... but he won't let go.
Aside from walking away and leaving him with the unknown babysitters... what would you offer me to do? I look at him and feel so bad because I need and WANT to treasure every.single.moment with my boy--- because he won't be this little forever. AND I look at him and feel so guilty because he won't be my only baby much longer either. Oh the guilt. I know most moms will tell me not to feel guilty, let him cry, etc. Please tell me that SOMEONE understands me... Have you been through this? Can you help? Help me know how to handle this and what the best thing is to do for him and me?
I would really appreciate any feedback! I love this boy.
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