People say I am fearful and crazy with my thoughts... but for years, I have tried to stay away from theaters. I really only feel safe when I am on military base theaters, which in this day and time shouldn't even be the case anymore. When I was younger it was the fear of sitting on needles that people had strategically placed on the seats to give you a disease.. whether that could really happen or not, I remember hearing about it and fearing. I have ALWAYS felt the seat to make sure nothing is in it.
As I got older I have always feared someone opening gun fire or a fire starting in the theatre while I was in there... Anytime I go I always sit near an exit and come up with a "plan" to get out of there fast if anything were to happen. All honesty, I normally think of a fire happening.
Waking up to read about this horrific even in Colorado today broke my heart. ALL of these people that have died have family... they ALL have someone that knows them and loves them. They all have people crying and grieving for them as we speak. I skimmed an article this morning, turned on the TV for like 10 minutes.. and then I was done. I had to go on with my day...
As the kids began to rest today, I pulled up articles... it kills me. Having lost a brother that was so dear to me, these kinds of things KILL me. I have to set apart a time and a place to read about things like this... about people dying or begin sick. As I read it angers me. It ANGERS me that someone would do this.. take the lives of these people for no reason. Then my anger turns to HEARTACHE.
As I sit here in tears.. my heart ACHES for these families... I just can't imagine. When we lost Shane, a part of me died. It will always be dead. That part of Cassey will never come back. Period. I remember talking with Brittany and our mom that weekend and we were so grateful that at least we knew what happened.. at least our only questions where WHY? Why didn't you buckle up, Shane? Why didn't God save you, Shane? Why did you have to stay late at work that night, Shane? Why, Why, Why!! Our hearts were grateful that he had not been murdered or harmed by someone else..
Even today, 2 years and almost 8 months since our brothers life altering death.. I hurt.. I grieve... I get mad... I question.. and when things like this happen, it brings it all back. But as I sit here thinking of that time in our lives... I really, really hurt for these families. These families are ALWAYS going to question why this had to happen to their loved one. Why did they have to go to THAT theatre? Why the midnight showing? Most importantly, why did this other human being thing he had any right to do what he did? Why would someone do that? Someone that didn't even know them.
To be honest- I have barely read any of the articles... it isn't good for my heart or mind. They already hurt so bad for those families. They will never understand why... just as we don't. But to me.. there lack of understanding is on a whole different level. Shane was killed in a car wreck- a ONE car, car wreck. It doesn't make it easier.. no. But these people, like so many in our country... were killed by another human... on a murdering adventure.
I honestly just can't handle it.
Please pray for these families!