Ever had a night after putting your little one to bed when you can't wait to redo it tomorrow? Feeling like you are failing as a mom? You spent a little too much time on the computer today... your body was achy because of the new baby growing inside... you needed silence because of the pounding in your head.... you were so ready for bed time that you put your favorite little person to bed earlier than normal? Tell me you have had that kind of day. Yea, that is me.. today. It Sucks.
I put my little guy to bed and feel nothing but tremendous guilt because he wanted me to read that book ONE MORE TIME and I told him tomorrow... knowing tomorrow he will forget about THAT book. I should have read it again. It takes everything inside of me to not go get him out of bed and read that book to him. He wanted to make cookies, I said not today, I mean... we made cake 2 days ago, right? He wanted me to look at his game, but I was so caught up with our online business stuff that I ... didn't. He wanted me to JUST WAKE UP MOMMY when I was resting after dinner because of my pounding headache. You want to know what I did? I did wake up, we went upstairs, got ready for bed... and read a story and went to bed. He begged for his songs... but because of this terrible headache, I quickly sang ONE and told him no more. How fair am I being to him.
In all honesty, it wasn't just today. Monday, Tuesday, and TODAY of this week... I have felt like this. I have felt TERRIBLE putting my little man to bed... thinking tomorrow is going to be different. But this week I have been so unproductive that even my sweet husband hasn't has his clean/clean house like normal. Lucky for my boys they have had great dinners each day. Tomorrow is a new day and I am bound to make it count.
I know I am not the only mom out there like this. I have Mommy Guilt.. especially when I think of three things.
1. Some Mommies don't have their babies to beg them to wake up from a nap anymore.... some never got to meet them or watch them grow.
2. Some Mommies aren't in the comfort of their own home with their babies... they are in hospitals praying that the Lord will just HEAL their babies.
3. My baby will only be my ONLY baby for another 3 months... and I need to SOAK it up! I know I am going to love having a little girl, but I also know I am going to MISS just me and my boy...
Ironically, I pulled this blog up THIS MORNING and left it on my computer but only got a chance to read it TONIGHT when everyone in my house is sleeping by me... I needed this... Tomorrow is a new day- and we will do it better.
Hey. You are Mixing Your Messages. You know like when I’ve done something that makes you mad? Like drawing in a book? Or sitting on my sister? Or eating the apple pie before dinner? And you get your body real low to look me right in the face. And you turn my shoulders so I have to look at you while you are angry with me. And sometimes I don’t even know why you are angry. I knowMarkers Are For Paper! but a book is paper and I needed to draw a lizard on that rock in the sunshine. And I know Your Sister Is Smaller Than You! but I am smaller than you and I can ride on your back like a horsie and she likes the horsie too. And I know now that The Pie Is For After Dinner! but I was hungry and I don’t know when dinner is coming anyway.
And then you say, Look At Me When I’m Talking To You! but I want to turn my eyes someplace else because I’m embarrassed but I know you will get madder if I don’t just Look At Me When I’m Talking To You! Then you talk and talk and talk and sometimes I get distracted by the cat or my friend or a shadow on the wall or the fly that landed on your ear. Then my eyes go someplace else and you get mad again.
You know those times? The times when you want my Undivided Attention?
Or when Important People come to visit? And you talk and talk and talk, and sometimes I need to tell you about the painting in the kitchen or the boats I saw last weekend or my panties that are on backwards. And you tell me toWait My Turn or Don’t Interrupt Me When I’m Talking. Or you tell me to sayExcuse Me and I do but you don’t stop talking. Or you tell me to say Can I Interrupt but you still don’t stop talking. And when you do give me my turn you have a very heavy breath that tells me I did something Frustrating.
You know those times? The times when you want me to Not Interrupt!
And then when I am in the middle of looking for my lost green butterfly and you say it’s Time For Singing but I don’t want to come because I am doing something important. But you tell me Do It Later so I have to leave the spot where I almost saw her fly over a rock. Then when I am running so hard and fast around the chair and you tell me No Running In The House. Sit Down And Read A Book. and I don’t want to read because of running so fast. Then when I almost build a castle to the ceiling and then you tell me to Clean It Up Because It’s Lunchtime but I’m not done with it yet.
But I have a problem. You want me to look at you, even when you are very angry and I don’t want to look at you. And you want me to wait my turn for talking, even when I have something very important to say. So why don’t you look at me when I’m doing my very important things before you tell me to stop? And why do you get to interrupt what I am doing without waiting until I’m done?
Maybe when I am looking for my lost green butterfly when it is really singing time, you could let me keep looking, or you could ask me what I’m doing before you tell me that I have to come and sing. You could come and look with me or maybe singing time could be after looking for my butterfly time. Because no one told my butterfly it was singing time and she was almost going to fly over the rock. Or maybe when I am running so fast around the chair and you don’t want me to run in the house you can tell me to run outside so I can still keep running so fast. Or maybe when my castle is almost as tall as the ceiling, you could help me save it for after lunch so I can build it later.
If you don’t want to be interrupted don’t interrupt me, and if you have to, then help protect my important things until I can use them again.
It might make things a little more clear.
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