Dear Self,

Dear Big Sis, Six months ago you found out you were expecting Baby #2. As excited as you were, you were also scared of the changes your body would take because you had already felt it in your runs. You had finally become a runner again and you were happier with your body than you had been in ages. You weren't 130pounds or anything- nor will you ever see that weight :) But you were active, fit, athletic and happy. You worried about what pregnancy would do to you. No longer did you feel like hitting the pavement like you did in the six months leading up to this pregnancy. But isn't this how it works? Isn't that what happened when you got pregnant before? You lost a lot of weight and got fit? Yea... that is how it happens! :) You had just finished a half marathon a month before and you still didn't understand why it took you a few days to recover and you still had two more halves to do in the next four months.... you didn't know what to do.

I will tell you what you did... you stopped running almost all together. As sad as it made you. You would run broken miles here and there, but nothing like you were doing before you knew you were pregnant. It is all such a mind game. You put on a lot of weight pretty much immediately... you weren't sure if you were excited, happy, nervous, scared.. you didn't know what. Then life kept throwing curve balls.. you were moving to Texas and would be having baby in Texas then moving again less than two months after shed as born.... along with all of this you still had two half marathons to do... that you weren't ready for.

The half in Texas that you did in October was very hard on your spirit. You let your mind take over and you didn't do near as good as you COULD have done. People say "you are pregnant!!!" "don't be so hard on yourself" But in reality... you know the truth. Yes, you might be pregnant... but you gave up. You let the notion of being pregnant allow you to sit on the sidelines. When you would think about it- it killed you emotionally... and only one friend in California could understand you remotely- because she is the only friend there that was a runner like you... and really she might have been the ONLY one that could ever understand you because not only is she a runner, she is a mom.

Fast forward... you made the move- SUCCESSFUL! Your clothes aren't fitting-DEPRESSING! You are growing, growing, growing... but you find out you are having a little girl. What a miracle... you are going to have a boy and a girl. If you want to be done now- you can be! :) You will have one of each. AND best part... you have the older brother that you always wanted in  your kids. You know how amazing it was to grow up with an older brother and if you had girls, you wanted them to have that too.. and now they do! You seem to quit worrying as much about not fitting in your clothes and the fact that you wear the SAME pants each day and the same shirts rotated. Who wants to buy a new wardrobe for only a few months? Not you. You enjoy Christmas with your family and carry on to your new home in Texas...

The first of the year brings a new house, waiting for our stuff, new friends, new location and lots of happiness. Your family LOVES the new life that God is allowing them to have right now. Don't ever forget how happy the three of you are at this time... soon you will be four. Don't forget the small things. You are learning to spend more quality time with your boy and your man. Sometimes your heart hurts because it makes you sad for your son the changes he is about to have to go through bringing a baby into your home... but in the end, you know it will be okay and he is going to be a great big brother. As life continues and you continue to grow and baby girl continues to beat you up from the inside, you are nervously anticipating the last half marathon you have to do pregnant- The Disney Princess 1/2. You just want it to be over! You want to know you did it, it is over, and not worry about it anymore. It is a little sad, because this isn't how you imagined it. You don't have the excitement everyone else does because you, you just want to get it over with. You NEED it to be over with....

You did it Big Sis! You are proud of yourself, but not too proud. You are more proud of those that surrounded you doing it. You are so proud of mom and lil sis and your bestie! You enjoy the rest of your vacation in Florida and return back to your baby daddy. You are so thankful that the 1/2 is no longer in the back of your head worrying you. You are so thankful that YOU DID IT and IT IS OVER!

You are over 30 weeks now. You have about 10 weeks until baby comes. The only things you really worry about at this time are if you will end up having another CSection or having a VBAC and you pray that the Lord will bring you and baby girl home safely. You have crazy worries that others usually don't have... but you have seen too many stories of things that might happen during childbirth. You are ready for the new stages in your life. You are ready to go from your family of 3 to 4.

You and Baby Daddy have been married 10 years in May. Daddy turns 31 this year, you turn 30. When did you become so much older you wonder? Most days you still feel like the same that 17 year old girl that gave her heart to that 18 year old boy... you are thankful to have met him so young and that your baby daddy is the only one you have memories with, the only one you dated, the only man that has been yours. Such a great feeling... but still so surreal that you are in your 30s... and you remember the days, vaguely, before kids, and now you are on #2. So many of your friends know you without kids and have never even met #1...it is  crazy life you live- in the military- but you love it.

You always want to remember these times.. when it was just your boy and you at home.. before the new life came in and started babyhood all over again. In the same breath, you can't wait to watch your little boy in action. He turns 3 this month. WHEN ON EARTH did that happen? Crazy.

Big Sis- just remember who you were in the six months before getting pregnant with little girl... remember the active runner you were and how you really enjoyed the weeks you did Cross Fit. Remember how your thoughts were about being active, doing races, getting out with your boy and teaching him that being outside and active is SO much better than anything else you can do. When you get depressed because it is taking a little bit for your baby weight + whatever else you gained  to come off, come back and read this... I believe in you Big Sis. I know you can do it. YOU HAVE done it before and you WILL do it again! I have complete faith in you.... but not only that, I know you can do it! As hard as those first weeks are going to be with a crying baby again... get outside with your little ones, take them for walks, enjoy the beauty of Texas... don't become complacent sitting home! You can do this... YOU CAN!

Love you always,

Big Sis

30 weeks